Your Vibes Attract Your Tribe
There is beauty in finding a loyal friend that will cheer you on throughout life's ups and downs. A friend that will wholeheartedly support your passions, laugh at your petty jokes, tell you when it's time to wax your mustache or hold you up when you drink too much champagne.
Friendship is essential to the soul and as a wise person once said-your vibe attracts your tribe. But in today's busy world of multitasking and entrepreneurship, how does one maintain their sanity AND their personal relationships? Sometimes as you grow professionally or personally, the first thing you must sacrifice is your recreational time with friends.
We must learn to embrace the role that a friend plays in our lives and the memories that are created, even if that relationship does not last forever. As I grow older, I am learning from experience about the power of a true friend and how not every friendship is meant to last a lifetime and how that is okay. A friendship serves its purpose in your life whether it last 10 months or 10 years.
Because of my husband's career, throughout the year we frequently travel the country living in different states, (we live in four cities a year to be exact). In total, we have lived in five different states over the past six years. Talk about having to frequently adjust to non stop changes. On a positive note, I have been afforded the opportunity to live in the amazing metropolis of Nashville, TN, New York City, Los Angeles, South Florida, etc. But, sadly, this constant traveling has caused strain and stress on my adolescent friendships because I was unable to physically be present for many of my friend's major events. Not to mention after having my son, the priorities of my personal life shifted and I had to forgo certain opportunities and fun moments because I had to choose my family over my friendships.
Because caring for my infant son and my husband are my priority, it was in these moments in my life that I felt detached from certain friends. While on the other hand, I grew closer to those who were experiencing similar lifestyle changes as myself and could fully relate to my daily struggles without me having to constantly apologize for "not being present."
Genuine friendships do not have an inverse relationship with other relationships in your life. Just because you grow closer to a certain group of friends during one season of your life, does not mean you are any less close to a another group who may not be able to personally relate to your lifestyle or circumstance at that moment. Sometimes the responsibilities of adulting will make you absent from your social circles. You may not be able to call each-other every day, or attend every birthday celebration but, this does not mean you do not love that friend. It simply means you have responsibilities. However, the real relationships in your life will transcend time with you and once you reunite with these friends, you two are able to pick up like you never missed a beat.
Life can take you in various directions and having people in your inner circle that understand the demands of your life can be crucial. If you are pursuing higher education, you need to interact with cohorts that are pulling late night study sessions. If you are a new parent, you need to find other parent groups that can relate to the non stop demands of caring for another life. If you are married, you and your single friends may grow distant because you may not be able to move in the same spaces and places as they do. It is okay to grow apart from individuals that may not fully relate to your current life struggles and embrace the relationships with those that do.
Women need women
I'll always believe that women need a solid support system of other women who believe (in) and encourage one another to succeed. Women who encourage one another to thrive and grow. We have to uplift each other, we have to cheer each other on and we have to encourage our girlfriends into the next dimension of their success.
We have to be understanding when our girlfriends have to take a break from friendship to “get their life” instead of crucifying them for not attending our bachelorette parties, birthday celebrations, and other social functions that they may miss out on during their time of transition. We should be understanding and nurturing of the chapter they are in.
We also have to be understanding and supportive when our girlfriends are embarking on unchartered territory in their lives (marriage, divorce, new career, continuing education, having a baby, buying a house, moving to a new city).
We cannot compare how we think they should cope or handle their life changes to how we “think” we would handle a similar situation or how another friend handles that same struggle.
After a traumatic loss of a family member, I struggled to overcome depression. This loss couldn't have come at a worst time of my life because I recently moved across the country, left my job, and was dealing with the stress of all three. Sadly, one of the ways I coped with the whirlwind of my life was isolating myself from my friendships. I was angry, frustrated and sad but instead of expressing this to the people I cared about, I isolated myself because I did not want to be perceived as weak. Sometimes we have to give people the space they need to grow and overcome their own inner vices. If your friendship is genuine and worthwhile then people will understand your separation is just an opportunity for self reflection, growth and solidifying your inner peace.
Let go of the past
Say that you and a close friend fall out, do you find yourself internalizing or harboring anger? The most powerful realization that I have learned is to forgive and move forward. That does not mean you have to interact with them daily; it just means you let go of the past, the hurt, the anger, and show gratitdue for the short or longer memories you and that friend made together. Forgiveness liberates your soul and it makes your heart light and free. When we forgive someone we open the space for beauty and peace.
We MUST support, we MUST uplift, we MUST empower, and we MUST forgive if we want to grow and thrive in our own personal endeavors.
As we reach new heights in our lives, we must show gratitude for the relationships that God blesses us with and not waste time fretting over those that do not travel with us.
10 Simple Ways to Demonstrate To Your Girlfriend You Care
Call or send weekly text messages just to say “I'm thinking of you.” Do not get offended if she does not respond immediately, they could have children, responsibilities, are unplugged or just...gasp...be driving. Also, that simple message will let them know that you haven't forgotten about them.
Make your girlfriend a playlist of your favorite old school jams. Maybe it's your college going out jams or the set list from one of your favorite concerts. This small gesture will have a huge impact in letting her know you care and bring back great memories you two shared.
Send her chocolates or flowers. My favorite day is when I receive a edible arrangement, chocolates from Maggie Louise Confections, or a Amazon gift card.
Send her a care package with some self care essentials. Prenatal/multivitamins, under eye concealer, makeup remover wipes, exfoliant or a new lipstick. Even if you can't have a spa day with each other, these simple gifts will let her know you are thinking of her and will give her an incentive to take care of herself.
Set a weekly facetime date. Even if the conversation is brief, that simple face to face time can make her day and remind her she is loved.
Do not get offended if she doesn't answer your phone calls. Just don't! Maybe you should change the time frame that you try to reach her. Better yet, write her a snail mail letter with some encouraging words. I promise once she receives that letter, it will melt her heart to know you are thinking of her.
Go to the Beyonce Concert with your girls! If she doesn't like Beyonce then she isn't a friend.
If you guys live in the same city, schedule a mani/pedi date. This is something you do regularly so why not do it with a close friend?
Invite her to your favorite yoga, spin or barre class. Even if she doesn't say yes, the first time, keep the invitation open and circle back around in a couple of weeks.
Get dolled up with your girls and go out! There is nothing better than quality time, cocktails and a cute fit.
“Successful love is not necessarily love that last forever. Successful love is anything that taught you, that grew you, that changed you.” -Glennon Doyle