Hands Full

“It is better to raise good kids than to repair broken adults.”

These words, spoken by my beautiful mother, resonated in me during a late-night session of answering emails, restocking diaper baskets, folding baby clothes and embracing the “quiet time” that I have to gather my thoughts and prepare for another dog day of motherhood. 

Coty and I still look at Journei and Marri in disbelief that we have two loving, inquisitive, tiny humans to raise. My sweet Journei girl, shy of 15 weeks old, is so beautiful and kind. She is the ultimate blessing for our family. But just as the joy increased, so did the workload of caring for two babies under two. 

Beautiful Photo by  @CharMariePhotography

Beautiful Photo by @CharMariePhotography

Her big brother Jamaar, hugs and kisses her at least twenty times a day. Some days Marri is an angel, and his laughter floods the house as he is running from room to room as you chase him, dodging toys and LEGOs scattered on the floor in an endless maze. While other days are tough and he is needy and demanding with regressions-whining and crying like he doesn’t know full sentences to express his needs. The regressions are frustrating because he mumbles and cries out for attention or wants to be held the way I hold Journei when she is crying. 

There is no magic recipe to ease his transition from our only baby to “big brother.” During these transitions, as a mom, I have had low moments. When the stress mounts and I must ask Marri numerous times not to do something, I lose my patience, and I yell at him and then because he is still my baby, he cries. 

These are the moments that a growing family must go through. Without friction, there is no growth, and these past few months are the stages of growth for our family. I must remember to allocate time just for Marri. Where he and I can spend solo time together, and I can show him the love and attention he deserves. 

I decided to show grace and not force my oldest baby (because he is still very young) into a role he isn’t always ready to take on. I decided to accept when he is happy to help with baby sister by running and 3- point shooting or dunking her dirty diapers in the trash or if he pushes her away and wants to cuddle with me. 

Beautiful Photo by  @CharMariePhotography

Beautiful Photo by @CharMariePhotography

Lately, prayer and reading my devotional has been at an all-time high; it has become my constant. One devotional from my bible app in particular that spoke to my soul is “Unstoppable” by Christine Caine, where she discusses how feeling ready and being ready are vastly different. “How many times can we go through the Bible, page by page and find person after person who didn’t feel ready to do what God called them to do, but God didn’t ask them whether they felt ready. He decided they were ready, and then He called them and told them what to do. Today, we call those men and women; heroes of the faith--the ones who obeyed God’s call even when they didn’t feel ready. Heroes like Abraham, Noah, Moses, and Sarah (Hebrews 11).” Christine Caine

I don’t feel like Coty and I “felt” we were ready for two kids under two, but God granted us with this blessing, so it means HE saw that we were ready. In my devotional, it also mentions that we are not to lean on our inadequacies or our own strength but that of Christ. 

It is at 3 AM when I’m exhausted and going off two hours of sleep, and little Journei wakes up again to feed is when I know it is the supernatural strength of Christ infused in me. And three hours later, when my precious sleep cycle is interrupted again, and it is time to prepare breakfast for my rambunctious Marri when by 7 in the morning is always ready to start his busy day, is where my supernatural “mom strength” comes into play. 

My kids make me vibrate on a higher level! They force me to level up, show up, step up, grow up, and wake up lol. 

They inspire a level of excellence even in the tiniest task. This job is demanding, and I do feel a constant state of fatigue, but overall, I feel so much purpose. Purpose to lead, to love, not just in my home but outside of my home too. 

Beautiful Photo by  @CharMariePhotography

Beautiful Photo by @CharMariePhotography