FIVE

"There is an enduring tenderness in the love of a mother to a son that transcends all other affections of the heart."-Washington Irving

Prior to my oldest son’s birth, I had no clue of how becoming a mother would completely change my life. But, most of these changes were for the better. I became more responsible, compassionate,  patient, and because motherhood is so humbling, I displayed more grace to myself and others. 

I was never ready for or fully grasped one aspect of motherhood: having a massive piece of your heart live and breathe outside of your body. 

That piece of your heart grew from a tiny, squirmy baby into a strong-willed, determined young King. My son Jamaar, my firstborn, made me a better woman, leader, and person; I will forever be grateful to God for choosing me to be his mom. 

As a parent, the only thing I know for sure is that your kids will grow up, and it will happen fast. The days are long, and sometimes the endless responsibilities as a parent weigh on you. But the years- are short, and it seems like you blink, and they grow from a cute infant into little leaders, making decisions, loving life, displaying this big personality almost overnight.

Your children are a direct reflection of you; and if you allow them to, they will help mold you into a better version of yourself. They force you to reckon with all of your flaws because they either display them or call you on your shortcomings. That is not something to be afraid of; in reality, it is one of the best resources you have as an adult. 

The bond you have with your firstborn is extraordinary. My son, Jamaar Paul Brian, is bold and incredibly intelligent. In addition, he has a smile that will light up a room. 

When his father and I made the video below in 2017, two months before his birth, we were so green about the plethora of life changes that would come about from becoming a parent. We also had no clue how much joy we would experience raising this young king. In the video, I mentioned many times what I wanted my son to be like, his personality, and his habits, and I had no idea he would be a little genius or that he would come into the world so thoughtful, kind, and considerate as he is. 

Jamaar, I have enjoyed learning your love language and how you want to sing songs at the top of your lungs in the car, and when you don’t know the words, you make them up, a lot like your mom. I love when I sit beside you to watch superhero movies on the couch while eating popcorn sharing a blanky. I love how you are so particular about your letters and numbers or any artwork you design. I am in awe in how can you read and do math at such a young age. I love how you are so outgoing and helpful and will do whatever it takes for everyone around you to win. Jamaar you are so talented, and I love the young man you are growing to become. 

Jamaar, you make everyone and everything you encounter better. You serve your family with intention and passion. You try your best in all of your endeavors, and you make us all so proud. 

Happy 5th Birthday, son. I love you with every bone in my body because of who you are, and I am grateful that God chose me to be your mother.